Purposeful Living

At this moment, there are more people online on Facebook than there were in the world less than 200 years ago… The impact that this world-renowned site is having on today’s adolescents is one of extreme detriment, and has turned our cyberworld into an invincible, addictive, fickle, and futile online realm. Facebook is a dictator, a hierarchy, and an esteem sucker, which categorises teenagers and promotes social suicide, rather than social networking.

Today’s youth are constantly bombarded with endless contradicting advice. One moment we’re told to “be ourselves,” and the next we’re denied of this freedom with television and magazines encouraging otherwise. Similarly, Facebook takes society’s alleged notion of accepting individuality and destroys it. For the average teenage girl there is an ideal profile that she is forced to aspire to fit. There is net lingo that must be learnt, with constant expressions being added to the expected vocabulary of the average teen. From photos to status updates, nothing can be lame, or have the potential to be scorned. It is a wonder there has not been a Facebook Bible produced that we must adhere to as a generation… It extends as far as to how you should “pop up” to someone. Naturally, you don’t want to always be the person to initiate the pop-up. At first it was cool to say “Heyy”, with two y’s. Then it became two e’s, “Heey”, and for a while you’d ask someone “sup” to which they’d reply, “nm”. As far as I’m concerned, this is not a conversation.

The uploading of photos is an art in itself, or so it seems. First of all, the photo has to be appropriate. And by appropriate I don’t mean in a conservative skirt at  an awesome landmark. I mean, either, posing in heavy makeup and a short skirt with a sultry pout, or a lovely filtered snap of your breakfast.

I am going to post some photos of me at the bottom when I was younger, when I took photos of weird things, just some genuine photos that were not taken to serve the demands of followers. I also challenge you, to not share your photos, tag yourselves or your friends (YES I can tell that your friend does not feature in that particular photo), or religiously stare at your computer screen, fixated on watching the likes slowly accumulate on a new upload. Send me any photos of food that tasted wonderful, or any photos of you and your friends that capture a sincerely happy moment.

Facebook is now the place where relationships begin, where friendships are formed, where misinterpretations craft conflict and where people develop a reputation. In the past, interactions such as these occurred face to face or through the telephone or mail. These days, almost every teenager has access to this vast cyberworld, and in this new environment the rules are still being written. You can be anyone behind your computer, and so many are seizing the available occupation of keyboard warrior. Facebook has been blamed for causing the onset of mental illness, suicide, unsafe relationships, fraud, privacy issues and addiction to the site itself; and rightly so.

Think about how many fights you’ve had with your friends that have been initiated online, that occurred online, or were caused because of something they witnessed or misinterpreted online. I know that for me, it has created a lot of unrest in certain friendships.

Facebook gives anyone the ability to be someone they’re not, and that is ultimately what is occurring.  It is a form of social conformity that is changing the way our generation behaves. I detest it, but I am no better. I openly have Facebook, to not solely keep in touch with old friends but because it is like a drug. Once you’re hooked on it, it’s an inexpensive and hard habit to break. I love having access to so much information in an instant, and being able to see so much in a single website. But I know deep down that Facebook is dangerous, and it’s harming our generation. It is starting to be the only thing we do; the purpose of our lives.

On one hand; you can’t afford to not have it. As that’s where people talk, where you meet new people, where you are invited to parties and gatherings, where your friends upload the photos you took together. We have become lazy - we can’t print out disposable pictures because it’s too much of an effort. We can’t pick up the home phone and call someone, because it’s easier to type them a message. We can’t mail invitations to our friends, because half the time we don’t even know their address.

It would be okay if no one had Facebook – but seeing as they do – you become an outsider without it.

Recall the last time you received a letter or card, that wasn’t from a relative or for your birthday… If you have received one in recent months, I think you’d agree with me in saying how special it was to get something that had “thought” put into it. It has become rare for people to give each other handwriting on paper. And that’s sad in itself. Perhaps consider doing something sweet for one of your friends. Grab a piece of paper and a nice coloured pen and just write them a simple note telling them something you like about them. This gesture will go so much further than a “like for a like” on their metaphoric wall.

What is more appalling is how people think that typing “HB” on someone’s timeline constitutes wishing someone a Happy Birthday. This requires next to no effort. I’ve stopped posting on people’s walls for their birthday. It doesn’t mean anything to them, and it just goes to show how little I care that they are having a happy birthday.

It sounds like such a huge assumption and generalisation, but it is honestly adversely affecting the bulk of my generation. Facebook has a couple of really great points to it, but when it strikes it is lethal. It is a site with harmless intentions but when available to temperamental teenagers it becomes the ability to stalk, bully, compare and lie, disguised within a website. I hope that one day it will not consume our lives as much as it currently does. It’s time we start living real life.  

I don’t want to be a lame challenge person but I think I have to do this regardless. My friend Lucy said to me, “Annie it is all well and good you speaking the truth, and voicing your opinion about social media. But I am often what you describe, and maybe you can offer up some solutions”.

And she is right, most of us have contemplated the detriments of social media at one point in our lives. And I want to try and actually make a change, rather than just make people aware.

Think about how many of your Facebook friends are actually your friends.

First look at the number of friends you have. How many do you have? 800? 1700? 2300? 950? 300? I can confirm right now that I have 446 Facebook friends. All of which I know. I myself, once had about 900 - thinking it was cool, that it didn’t matter if I didn’t know certain people, and that it would help me get more likes.

I once had someone say to me, surely you do not really have 900 friends… And they were right, I didn’t.

Then I used this question to decide which ones I would delete:
To each person I said – If I were to see you in Chatswood and walk past you, would we acknowledge each other and would I say hi?

If the answer was a blatant or hesitant no and I was thinking about how awkward it would be or that I’d avoid an interaction, I deleted this person. Now, if I go to a gathering and meet people there and don’t say more than hello I’m Annie nice to meet you, I do not accept their friend request when I am home. Because believe it or not, someone being aware of my name, and me of theirs - does not make us instantaneously friends!

You’d be surprised at how many people you really don’t know, but think you do, just because you see their day-to-day activity on Facebook.
Try taking a look at your Facebook now, it's probably open in the tab next to you. Why must you have all these people viewing your every move on the internet? Deleting the unnecessary people could make you a step closer to caring less about your uploads/status'. 

Also, consider just trialling what your life would be like without Facebook. It is very easy to deactivate your account (you do not lose anything when you do this). I have deleted my Facebook on a few occasions, and tend to deactivate it around exam periods too. I can honestly swear that my life has drastically improved during these times. I had time to read books. I didn’t fight as much with my parents as I wasn’t slamming my door in their face telling them to get out so I could continue analysing my newsfeed. I went to bed at 9.00 pm, something that I never did because I was always chatting to people late at night. I wasn’t worried about how skinny so and so looked in her latest DP, or how many likes another girl got over me. Nor was I concerned with looking at ex-boyfriends Facebook moves (we’ve all done some FB stalking in our lives, come on). So if you can bear to be disconnected for even a week, I encourage you to give it a go.

Instagram is possibly just as bad. It has become perhaps even more widely used than Facebook in recent months. Instagram in a way is more competitive, as it has only a single purpose: to upload photos. In this respect, it is an app defined by image, appearance and aesthetics. It is a bit of a competition, where people boast their newly purchased designer clothes, the most radical fro-yo, and their costumes for a Saturday night party. The worst thing is – every photo is rated.

Maybe Instagram would be okay if you couldn’t like or comment photos. I wish that was an option, to just be able to upload a photo for the pleasure of people to view it, rather than for the affirmations via likes that we crave so badly. I have had friends message me asking my advice on an Instagram upload of theirs, and if they should perhaps delete it. They were so concerned about the likes they received in a certain amount of time. Seriously – there are so many more important things to worry about than working out the rate of likes per minute.

I deleted my Instagram about a month ago and it was a great decision. I had about 130 photos, and 580 followers. Again, I was uploading photos to satisfy people I didn’t know, and I had the app to see who had un-followed me, and I found myself taking photos solely for the purpose of later uploading them. I can honestly say that I do not miss it. I don’t miss seeing what other people ate. I don’t miss seeing photos of sunsets. I didn’t need Instagram, all it truly did was make me jealous, insecure and obsessive. I received about 8 texts from different people demanding to know why I had unfollowed them. This just goes to show how conscious people are of their followers, and how worked up they can get if someone unfollows them. One of my friends explained to me the other day what an “Instafag” is. And I have to say, the definition (someone who takes photos of say, leaves, water, or a meal, for the sole purpose of uploading it to “Insta” as it is nicknamed), couldn’t be closer to the truth. I don’t particularly like the word “fag” but really, the people who do this are quite lame, and perhaps are deserving of this expression.

I challenge you to delete the app that enables you to see who unfollowed you, if you have it. Don’t be concerned with how many people are following you, as hard as that may seem. In real life there is no way to measure true friends, and realistically - a leader can’t count their followers. So neither should you.