It seems that social media is not just the cyber world, but that it has become the real world. We do not just have detailed cyber profiles and accounts but we literally live online. We know each other’s names through Facebook, and if we were to see one of our Facebook friends on the street, we could match the face to the name, alike to how Facebook matches a profile to a profile picture. Why? Because we are consistently online, looking at people’s profiles, scrolling down our newsfeeds, liking photos on Instagram, checking our follower count and deliberating over which photo to next upload.
I had a MySpace page when I was in year 4, Facebook in year 6, Instagram at the start of year 8, and Tumblr also in year 6. Being so young, I was ignorant and blind as to what the long-term effects of signing up at such a young age meant. I did not look past the seemingly harmless liking, and in fact held sites such as Facebook to be an incredible and positive thing. And I was not alone. Scores of other girls and boys I knew had Facebook, and shortly after I had signed up, these boys and girls became my “friends”, due to a request made at the click of a button. Making friends now takes a single click, whereas 10 years ago it might have taken face-to-face conversation, time, an introduction by a mutual friend and similar connections.
My parents and teachers were wise, instructing us to fend off the lure of the online world, and to wait until we were old enough to decide if we really wanted to be a part of the cyber scene. Of course, we disregarded these warnings and I only began to use Facebook more frequently. It seemed then, that my parents were only asking me to delete my Facebook because I was 12, still a child and not yet eligible to have Facebook, but little did I know that their intentions would really have helped me.
I would say that I spend, in total, 5 hours, on social media each day. I do about 3 hours of sport a week. That’s 32 hours less than I am online. I may go to school during the day, but even then I am online; uneasy about the possibility of a bad photo being uploaded of me, and thus I habitually check my notifications, even religiously going to the bathroom every lunch and recess to double check my phone. This is very lame, and although I am in no way proud of what my life has come to, I think a number of us can confess that we spend much of our time online. And if we aren’t online, we are concerned with when we next will be, or we develop a cyber FOMO (fear of missing out). I stay up until about 11 or 12 each night on Facebook. Whenever I travel, I am more interested in finding a place that has Wi-Fi than seeing the wonders of the world.
I have depression and anxiety This may seem like a lie to you, or me seeking attention. I unquestionably do not have it as bad as others, and I don’t expect any sympathy for my problems. I don’t want any attention; rather I am informing you of this with my motive being to explain the cause of these disorders. It probably comes as a shock, as I have not presented myself online to be the introverted, withdrawn and restless person that I have come to be. Through the use of photos, statuses, and tagging, I have fashioned the idea that I am a happy, reasonably social person. I am masquerading my true self, and social sites and applications are my choice of weaponry.
A few years back, I would describe myself as being very chirpy, enthusiastic and happy. Loud, crazy, and impulsive were words associated with my name. “Oh Sophie! She’s a weird one, but I love her, she’s so crazy and loud and out there!’ OR even, ‘Soph, you never shut up! You’re always talking and singing and dancing!” However, I cannot remember the last time someone has said that about me. Sure, I have times where I am wild, where I laugh, and where I am content. It is not all bad. However, last year, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and although the details are unnecessary, my point is: my dependence on the online world is not entirely, but somewhat, a contributor to my misery.
As I mentioned earlier, I spend much of my life online. But when I am disconnected, mentally, I do not cease worrying about my cyber life. “What if someone has messaged me and I haven’t replied?”, “Has there been something awful posted on my wall?”, “Am I missing out on big news?” “Is it too late to upload the photo now?” Are just a few of the questions that I ask myself constantly. And you are probably thinking, wow what a loser, that is outrageous, and yes, it is.
I created a tumblr for myself in year 8, and in just 2 months, I had myself 7, 000 followers. Tumblr began to overtake my life. Not only did it reveal to me disturbing ideas about loneliness but lured me in through the photos of self harm, quotes about depression, and eating disorders – all of which were highly glamorised by Tumblr.
I had myself over-thinking excessively. Luckily, for me, I love food and was never affected by the many pictures of unknown skinny girls on my dashboard, and girls I personally knew in bikini’s on Facebook. I have seen many of my friends become exceedingly obsessed in reaching that ‘ideal body.’ And it is seeing people that we know, uploading pictures of their body on instagram that gives us the most powerful incentive of all to be “skinny.” To be like our friends. To be like that girl, because if someone you know did it, you can too. It is also a shame that it is the boys that often feed the pressure to have a so called perfect body, and girls that praise the ones who manage to. It is sad, that I can classify all of my friends into either being: depressed, anorexic, bullemic, socially obsessed or socially outcasted. Can you as well? If so, it’s such a sad thing.
Whilst I would love to get myself a part-time job, as do my parents, there is one thing stopping me: the fear of running into people whilst working. I have become so addicted to the online world, and so used to hiding behind my phone, that talking and communicating to people in person has become not just hard, but scary even. I freak out the thought of conversing with someone over the telephone, having become so accustomed to texting. I freak out when I see someone in person that I only know due to being connected online. I could name many times where I have felt socially inadequate and awkward, at parties, or in Chatswood. I live with a constant fear and insecurity. It seems that becoming overly social and confident online only diminishes your confidence and ability to interact offline.
Social media makes you feel more self conscious about your image, and it makes you aware of what other people think about you. It makes you aware of your place in the world, how little you can mean to people, and how many “friends” you have, or do not have. I have so few true friends that I could use my fingers to name them. I would have many more if I considered every Facebook friend and Instagram follower to be an actual friend.
For some, Facebook can make them realise how pretty they are, how fascinated people are with them and how much they like your clothes. For others, it can make them realise how little people care, and perhaps how they are not as attractive or cool as others. On top of this, anonymous sites can also inform you of what hate about you, and this will always, no exceptions, get to people head’s. It is hard because as humans, we crave to know what people think about us. And it is sad that we believe cowardly and anonymous submissions.
On Facebook, no one genuinely cares for one another. We care about beating each other and being at the top of the social food chain. Who are we to judge people on a persona they have projected online? But we do judge, for Facebook acts as a convenient judging ground. It is a social war in which we can climb, excel, or fall on our backs.
Social media has dissolved many of my relationships. For example, I am often checking my phone whilst with my boyfriend, who I adore spending time with. And this makes him feel like I value my phone over him. This is by no means the truth. I would eagerly spend hours on end with him, but it is hard when you have gotten yourself into the routine of relentlessly checking your phone. It has become acceptable to take our phones wherever we go, to check them in mid-conversation, to have them in front of us when having a meal with someone.
In this modern day cyber space, we are defined by how we have projected ourselves on Facebook. Give me a name of anyone and I can tell you who they’re married to on Facebook, their latest profile picture and around about how many likes it has, and the last party they attended. We are not defined by our talents and abilities, academic records, kindness, sporting achievements or hobbies. We are defined by the photos we select to upload, our questions on Ask.fm, and how many people have given our photo a thumbs up. If I was to ask someone, “What do you think of _____”, I would not get the answer, “Oh? Her? Yeah. She’s the girl who’s great at soccer, went to Vietnam in the holidays to do volunteer work, is excelling at school and speaks fluent German. I would be told something negative often, as it seems us girls especially love to offer up any piece of nasty gossip we can about someone. “Oh that chick? Yeah, she went to Rob’s on the weekend and wore some low-cut top. She used to date this guy but he cheated on her. And yeah her photos are pretty rank.” And this: is no lie.
Whilst social media has innumerable benefits, such as keeping in contact or meeting new people, as teenagers we use Facebook so foolishly and with such naivety. We consider cyber-bullying to be direct threats, nasty comments, and the spreading of rumours. We don’t see that these very things are occurring under our noses. The reality is that cyber bullying is occurring in your own city, postcode, street, friendship circle, in the form of rude inboxes and liking of other people’s bitchy comments. I have seen many of my friends, myself included commenting sarcastic things like “ugly” on people’s photos, or “so hot” in the hope of them returning the favour. I have seen girls go as far as to say, “omg I can die now,” or “seriously why are you not a victoria secret angel”. None of these comments are realistic, and they use language in such a shameful way. Literally, no exaggeration, bullying and calling people “faggots” is a way to be respected in 2013.
Social media has literally gone so far as for people to create accounts such as, “Sydney’s Hottest”, ‘Hotpeople Gwm”, “Sydney’s Sprouts”, and even, “Sydney’s blackest”, to tag certain people in photos where they fit into these categories. Seriously? The fact that people have to make fake profiles to add other people and stalk them to avoid the embarrassment of adding them on their own profile is bad enough, but to bring others down if they are not labelled as one of “Sydney’s hottest”, is disgusting. Not once have I gotten a friend request from “Sydney’s nicest”, “Sydney’s kindest”, or “Sydney’s loveliest.” And quite frankly, I doubt I will.
Girls commonly use Facebook as a way to attract boys- uploading showy photos, placing themselves in camera lens with other “hot” girls, that they don’t really like that much at all. My personal favourite has become girls that put up photos of themselves drunk, high or kissing other girls. Boys on the other hand, use Facebook to have a look at which girl is the “trophy girlfriend” or has a “box gap”. Or, as they love to say someone they “would bang/10”.
Boys, and girls too, have been lead to judge a girl not by her personality, (as this is almost impossible to do online) but by their edited photos, friends and social status.
All of what I’m saying are very wide-ranging stereotypes, and do not apply to everyone, but the number is definitely increasing. I know so many people that have fashioned a bad or known name for themselves through the use of social media, whether intentional or not. And the majority of these people, I have not met, I have not spoken to and I do not know anything personal about them.
I think there needs to be a huge priority shift. People seem to be caring the most about the upcoming parties and how to ensure they can get a photo with other “cool” people. The most important things to our generation are how many Instagram followers they have, who gives them the longest TBH, who makes an effort to “pop-up” and the list goes on. I myself have cared about these things. And I have no shame in admitting that- I am much the same as everyone else.
I am not saying to shut down your accounts, but to rather be aware of the negative impacts of all types of social media. To be respectful to others, to not judge others when we have created the pressure ourselves, and to perhaps consider who our true friends really are and why we are so fixated on conforming to the flawless ideals that we go to such extreme measures to attain.
I've added a picture, if I uploaded it it would be scorned, I'd be payed out for it not being in Sepia with white edges and for my clothes not being from either General Pants or Surry Hills Markets. But that was a photo when I was happy, and unconcerned with the opinions of others.
Sophie
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